Early Autumn 2010

I had to do without ...

... Dave for most of May. He was in hospital having a large mole removed from his penis- he tells me he's never going to shag one of those tricky little blighters again! Naturally this is just a cheap joke, he was only at home catching up on his jobs before what he described as a well deserved and I described as an unauthorised holiday.

Just before he abandoned me ...

... he led a successful assault on the old lorry container that had acted as a store for 20 years and got in the way of enlarging my tractor shed. Dragging it out with the tractor without taking the existing saw and tractor shed with it required a lot of sweat from the two old muscle men- Dave and John the Magistrate.

Once out, the ever helpful Chris from Quarry House helped reduce it with a grinder before Dave and Daniel came over to deal it a death blow with the tractor.

The doors, sides and back weren't aluminium skin as I hoped but just fibre glass- bugger !

On the way over to help ...

... sort the container I asked Dave and Daniel to pick up the decent sized Cedar tree Erwin had felled with some interesting Tulip. They are a pretty slick team with tractor and trailer. Daniel is a good as anyone I've seen driving a tractor. Dave grumbles constantly but always surprises us with little pearls of wisdom.

Once it was all loaded he asked if I was going to sweep the leaves and sawdust dragged into the road. I said I would but hadn't a broom, he then cut some branches to make a passable and effective brush.

Past experience with ...

... buying old cut timber has been a disappointment. The timber is rarely as described and usually not worth buying. I won't bore you with tales of woe of wasted journeys.

Paul the Tractor gave my number to a lovely old boy called Bill in his eighties who had planked up some brown Oak in 2 , 3 and 4" slabs and then tucked it away at the bottom of his garden 15 years ago!

Realising that he was unlikely ...

... to put it to good use he suggested I come over and make him an offer. It was professionally cut and stacked with just a bit of slabwood beetle and could be described as well air dried! In 10 foot slabs the down side was that it was down a steep slope some distance from Bill's drive. In true Terminator tradition I told Bill "I'll be back".

My new neighbour Tom the Forrest ...

... 'oop the hill had rapidly become a very handy man to know. Over lots of tea and discussions on big boys toys I knew he had a much more manly trailer than my shiney new one described rather rudely by Tractor Dave as a f- ing wheelbarrow.

Tom very kindly had given me some materials to rebuild the tractor shed. Being a certificate holder in taking the piss I had asked him to deliver them to the Wood and whilst he was there could he take all the scrap from the container to the scrappie and er... could we swing by 15 miles out of the way and pop some heavy 10 foot slabs on? - well if a man offers!

It turned out to be ...

... a very good move as Tom was able to get his trailer to the bottom of the slope, and loading whilst awkward didn't for a change involve ruptures. We did disturb some bee's and contemplated bailing out but in the end we minded our own beesness!

Naturally the Oak ...

... wasn't around long before Andy one of my regulars who is always quick to spot the unusual was over and loading it into his van before I could say "I'm going to make a huge profit on this". To be fair to Andy he is happy to pay a fair price and I rather enjoy selling wood to people I like. Andy's planks are going to be a very fine front door on his own house, I'm sure Bill is happy that his bit of work 15 years ago is not wasted.

Talking of Andy ...

... he is based at the other, Pompey end of Hampshire and sells exotic and unusual bits of wood and offers a good planeing and cutting service that I can't, ask for more info.

Had a bit of a disagreement over £5 with a chap who had some Walnut and Cherry. I thought as he had driven for 3 hours from Suffolk that £75 was plenty, he wanted to give me £80. I gave in ... well the customer is always right, eh!

Actually this has happened a bit ... I think you're just decent people rather than I'm too cheap!

All done and dusted is ...

... the enlarged and improved tractor shed. The cast of stars who contributed is, as they say too many to mention but you know who you are and how pleased I am with it. After more than a decade of hunting round for various tools they are all neatly hanging up and there is a tea making place ... hoorah!

Just as we were finishing the shed I was stacking some of the Wellingtonia by the suspended hard top of the Pick Up (see last Autumns blog) when I was attacked and stung by hundreds ... well a few wasps. Having legged it we noticed a dirty great nest right in the middle of the hardtop roof opening.

I plotted my revenge ...

... on the little baskets and sought advice which seemed to be a) pay a bloke £40 to sort it or b) sneak up close and let them have it with a £4.99 aerosol. I nervously/tightly chose b) and hoped it wasn't too windy as the top spins around in the breeze making a moving target.

It went well, like a professional hitman I screeched up in the truck, dropped the window 4" and blasted before buggering off quick. Chris the Boat kindly visited at dusk the next day to give them the rest of the can and the wasps were history... and £35 still in my mothy wallet.

Pictured below the fruits of our labours ... bit more room getting in and out and somewhere to hang the tools, instead of the usual 5 minute search ... hurrah!

If guns are your thing ...

... you'd have rather enjoyed the all day tour round one of the World's No 1 gun makers in London that Col arranged for us both. The craftsmanship and dedication of these geezers who put 1200 hours into each gun is a sight to behold. If I had £80,000 I might be tempted to buy one ... of course what really floated my boat was the Walnut gun butts.

I learnt they don't use English but predominately Turkish Walnut with some from USA , New Zealand and other far flung places. I was thrilled to buy up some of the bits that weren't good enough for them but might tempt you and will be a lot cheaper than the £1,000 minimum they pay for theirs.

August was unusually and ...

... inconveniently busy. Normally when I clear off on my one week annual jolly I return to very little. Most people are away or gardening or doing anything other than visiting me. With emails now coming through my phone, enquiry after enquiry kept pinging up as I got on the ferry with the result that the wife's lips were getting thinner by the minute.

However the money was put to good use on new tyres for the truck and will be for some more stock ... you just can't get enough as the old song goes. Particularly pleasing was seeing so many repeat customers. Some have the vehicle and knowledge to drive up into the Woods which saves me running up and down the track.

We got round to ...

... firing up the Charcoal Kiln and you can read all about it on the blog next to this. I really enjoyed the whole process and for a first attempt thought 27 bags was ok. For the second burn we packed in a lot more Oak and filled it to the brim with good seasoned timber. The weather conditions were ideal and Col was at the wood over the two days to keep an eye on it.

The amount of Charcoal was spectacular ...

... ly bad! Basically it burned out at the very bottom and the rest of the ton of wood though black was not cooked so it's back to the drawing board and more advice before next go. In anticipation of having 50 odd bags to cart to Tom's barn I cleared the back of the Pick Up and prayed for dry weather so that the bags didn't go soggy.

Should have saved my wish as we could have bagged both bags up in the pouring rain! Reminds me of the bloke who was granted a wish and requested that his penis touched the floor - the next thing his legs fell off.

The smart money ...

... is on the way we stacked it and how soon we put the lid on. As you can see below it lit ok and was crackling and throwing out enough smoke to make it look like a war zone. I'm going to a wood crafts seminar in October and will consult Jon, jon the forestry com mon before next go!

Part of the woodland management plan is to start a programme of coppicing so we'll have plenty of fuel for the beast if we can tame it.