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Autumn 2012
Summer started with the wettest ...
... drought on record and I nearly went rusty. I didn't complain - a friend of mine lost the ability to speak and walk, but he didn't make a song and dance out of it! As we now know it didn't improve much but at least I got bitten less by the midges as they stay away in the rain and fortunately customers didn't. Last time I promised ...
... a bit more on the 2012 batch of Elm from Scotland. Well, it's in & stacked and looking pretty damn good. Having struggled a bit last year with the logistics of moving tons at a time we acted on lessons learned and it was a lot less hassle.
This involved paying Graham the nearest farmer to move it from lorry to wood & taking Andy and Dave up on their offer to come and stack it professionally - which they did over two days. The Plank pictured below is good enough ...
... to arouse me but there is a better log of beautiful burr and colour that deserves being seen in the flesh. It won't go on sale until next spring but I have one plank out to show visitors.
The master plan is to one day have a shed full of such lovelies but this might take years so I'd get down and grab the good stuff in 2013! |
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You can imagine this as a bit of furniture, eh ... or chuck it on the fire !
One of my customers ...
... told me that he had paid a prostitute to attach some jump leads to his testicles. I said " Surely you didn't enjoy that " to which he replied: " I did, but I can't believe how much she charged me !"
On a truer note ...
... I shared an old country saying with my oppo Dave. It is about predicting what sort of summer rain wise you are going to have and it depends on whether the Ash or the Oak come into leave first.
Ash before Oak in for a soak and Oak before Ash in for a splash, so a lot drier. You can't take the South London out of Dave despite 50 years in Hampshire. "What a load of bollox" he opines " As if trees can predict the f ing weather. " - I've put him down as undecided !
I had another Wasp's nest ...
... this time high up at the back of the Kiln right by where I wanted to rebed a dodgy ridge tile. Someone was going to have to climb 20 foot up a ladder and put the stuff in the hole as they say in all the best movies.
This operation clearly needed a General in a safe place on the ground (Me) and canon folder, one of the skint teenage students from next door. I believe in hiring mercenaries for these battles and pay top rates.
"How does £60 per hour ...
... sound to you for a job? " I asked 19 yr old Mathew just home from Uni. " Very good " he replies. "Fine" I tell him " Here's two quid nip up that ladder and pour this powder in the hole, it'll only take you two minutes".
Up he went kitted in his motorcycle helmet and added padding and the mission was successful. |
The beautiful Olive Ash ...
... from Farleigh School had spent 6 months in Erwin's yard as it was too big for both my Lumbermate and Mark's proper saw at Andover Down. Reducing by quartering is a) hard work and b) bloody tricky.
I can't cut straight so not only would you not want me circumsizing you but I didn't want to ruin these lovely logs so I persuaded Erwin - who made it look easy. But having cut the big 'un in half it was still too much for my trailer - at the time of writing it's still on the difficult / to do list!
Having spent ages doing the perfect cut it was still too big too move to the sawmill! |
I always like watching ...
... skilled people like Erwin & Tom the tree surgeons up a tree and Mark at the sawmill on his ancient but monster bandsaws. I will never have those skills and if I tried I wouldn't have these fingers !
But talking of men with skills reminds me of a story of an old trail finder employed as a guide in the Wild West of America. The old timer kneels down on and rests his face and one ear on the dirt and staying stock still says : " Bufallo come "
Hearing nothing ...
... the settlers ask in awe. Can you hear them ? " No ", says the old injun ..." My ear is stuck to the ground!" |
Gordon " Digger " Barnes ...
... is not just the go to man for a digger or three but also for general advice, tree felling and shed construction - his current specialist subject. Readers from the very early newsletters will know that Gordon did all the footings and drains for the old man's Quarry House in 1978 when Gordy was young - ish! His knowledge of the Quarry House drains 34 years later is still spot on, very handy it was!
The story goes the old boy overpaid him for the first job and under paid for every subsequent one. I have mentioned this off and on and have regularly tried to under pay him. Eventually he felt the need to point out that unlike my Dad I never actually overpaid him for the first job, let alone any of the others!
I needed a digger for ...
... a bit of work on the side of The Kiln and Gordy delegated the job to his younger son Phillip, who I had seen in action doing the woods track last summer. I was thinking that I shan't be using that miserable old sod of his father again that's for sure (Well apart from tea and wisdom) as Phillip is much better but next job they both came & actually it was great as the mixture of youth and experience made a difficult looking job a doddle.
I paid Phillip £10 more ...
... than he asked when he came on his own, so you know what will be coming in the future ... a bit less. I didn't manage to put this into practice later in the summer when I needed both of them to complete the drainage job and do a bit of concreting as Gordy put his hand out quicker for the cash- his reflexes are still sharp with Bank of England notes
A new improved model of Barnes - hopefully this one will be cheaper to run !
After the digging ...
... I sorted out the knackered Kiln roof that I did a temporary fix on 12 years ago. This is all part of a drive to keep it tidier and have a bit of decent timber and blanks there for callers who don't have the time for a trip to the woods and also for particularly short, wet winter days.
Inside is much the same but a bit better organised for blanks and bits downstairs and my smoking woods upstairs. Sales of the latter are over double last year and it is starting to look interesting. I took a typical order for a box of Oak, Apple and Cherry not far from where I live and promised to deliver later that week.
Shall I pay before you deliver ? ...
... asked James the customer. Nope, no need wood users are an honest bunch I replied. I then rather foolishly added " Course, if you don't pay I'll come round and rip your heart out".
He went a bit cold on me after that and I would just like to say I rarely resort to this! Having said that Steven Dobson from Leeds is due for a visit and he knows why. |
After the success of The Kiln roof ...
... I thought I'd sort out a serious leak in the older of the two sheds at The Woods. I first tackled this in 2003 taking down my old man's appalling effort at a timber shed with a better job. This was mostly done by Irish John with a bit of help from Gordy and others.
It was a big improvement and quite watertight. It went wrong in 2004 when we added to it. I blame Brian! This is partly because it was his 'fuck it that will do, let's finish this today' way about him and also because he doesn't work for me any more - always blame the absent person I say! The additional two bays ...
... had a different pitch to the other bit and a dodgy join. My plan was to remove the sheets on the join and put back straight. Having taken these off it was apparent a total rebuild was in order.
As I'd forked out a lot more than I'd hoped sorting The Kiln I was wondering how to fix this cheaply ... too be fair I'm always wondering that whatever the problem!
It doesn't look a big job from here but there was 10 hours work for 4 people sorting it out ! |
A friend in need is a pain ...
... in the tits. I've said it before and as it's always me in need I shall no doubt have to say it again. Huge thanks shed wise are due to Drew my Carpenter friend who has enough to do with a large house to renovate and a baby on the way & found time to sort out the pitch and framing of the roof.
The new sheets and skylights were put in free of charge by the building dream team of Andy & Dave. Like almost every day this summer it pissed down for the 5 hours it took them.
Andy remarked soaking wet on the roof "there's a hell of a lot of these sheets" but at least I was able to test for leaks as they went on & was nice and dry underneath! I'm delighted to say it is as watertight as a duck's arse.
Having squeezed every bit of goodwill out ...
... of Andy, Drew and Dave I thought I'd do the same to my multi skilled mate Ant and get The Kiln rewired and upgraded with internal lighting. If you are looking for a good sparky go for Ant and his team ... you won't find better.
It's really something I (and everyone else with an old workshop) should have done years ago as it had insufficient circuit breakers and emergency lighting and dodgy sockets. Luckily it and me have survived and whilst the rest of The Kiln is still undergoing updating we have broken the back of it.
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As mentioned last edition ...
... the time has come to bail out from the real job and become a woodman. I expect I shall be unable to resist a bit of a blah about the ol' days in future blogs as time adds rose coloured specs to the impending real ones.
The Olympics whilst a triumph for Team GB were a disappointment for Mr Plod ... no overtime and no chance of watching something good.
I brushed the dust off my uniform for The Trooping of the Colour - Royal events are usually a good day out and my hat fits better now I'm a baldie, but the old back ached after a few hours standing and no one in the crowd wanted to buy any wood !
Phil and Liz insisted I stand outside their London residence one last time. |
I'm going to be doing ...
... a bit of beating with the local shoot around the woods to see if I like it and I have offers of work with a wood associate but won't make any long term commitment for now.
Wood wise is business as usual really - still only a few days a week, still a poor relation of a properly resourced and run timber merchant but always a warm welcome for wood lovers with cash. Actually if you hate wood and have cash you can come and visit too, still room for a few more bodies.
Plans for this end of Winter ...
... include as normal trying to find good timber and an upgrade of the saw and truck. There will be Walnut from Winchester but not as yet Plane from Portsmouth - I am going to have to cajole Andy into getting a load from Croydon that is on our ' to do ' list.
So get off your arse and come and buy some wood before I get too old to sell it.
Regards,
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I
