Spring into Summer 2024

 

Getting more stock in round logs ...

 

... is always a challenge. I obtained a few oak logs from a very smart estate a few miles from the Woods through a forestry contact Jon. I roped in my mate Ant as I needed his bigger trailer in addition to my 8 footer.

 

As ever with Ant you get more than a trailer taxi - he organised where we parked to make loading easy for the Les the telehandler operator. This was my first visit and there's a lot of timber there so if we can make an impression as reliable and efficient, more could come my way.

 

Those that know me understand ...

 

... professional is my last name. Unfortunately my first two are not very! Luckily, Ant likes everything done efficiently and safely - I just ensure I don't get hurt. If you look in Ant's left hand he has a ash handled pick made by himself that grips the log and eases it slowly off the forks and taken the precaution of a couple of log end stops on the trailer to stop it rolling right off the other side.

 

It's happened before and although you try to blame the machine operator, it's you that is the twat. Anyways, all loaded quickly and efficiently and on the way out we had a sniff round some other interesting looking fallen timber for further investigation !

As often happens milling, these Oak logs proved disappointing - good quality Oak it was ... too long on the ground it also was and live pinhole worm has downgraded it

 

Did you hear that the bloke who invented ...

 

... predictive text died recently? - may he roast in piss. If that doesn't amuse you I shall tell you about a more serious incident when the bloke who invented the hokey cokey died. All went ok as far as the undertakers but took a nose dive when the time came to put him in the coffin. They put his left leg in ...

We all have friends ...

 

... I've got over 500 on Facebook, though haven't spoken to 95% for years if at all! There are the friends who need summat or my preferred ones those that give me something I need. Flavour of the month are new best friends who are particularly useful and may or may not disappear from your life.

 

A young PC called Drew turned up on my team 20 years ago and had the misfortune of having me as his Sergeant with the power to ensure he passed his probation or not. When he told me he used to be a carpenter I informed him his future was safe and could he please come down the Woods and rebuild my sheds, which he did brilliantly.

 

The apple below came to me from ...

 

... a school friend of nearly 50 years standing Nick who went to agricultural college (another of our school friends was at the same college and he told me jealously that Nick had gone to a fancy dress party as a baby wearing only an adult nappie and pulled the best looking girl there) and does a bit of pruning on the side of his successful landscaping company.

 

Every few months I'll get a call from Nick and I'll whiz down to where he is and tidy up the mess - aka stock for my smoking wood.

 

He's not such a good friend that he cut the above into the chunkable bits above though he did help load the truck. This Bramley apple and a little more not pictured will fill the apple section of about 25 of my highly rated (often by me) mixed smoking wood boxes - https://bbqsmokingwood.co.uk

If you want a firearms licence more ...

 

... important than being able to use the dangerous bloody things and convince Mr Plod that you aren't a nutter is to have some Police approved land with written permission from the landowner to use it.

 

This is how Jem and I developed a friendship that has lasted many years and during which time he has spent more nights in the Woods than I have with his gun - beware if you're trespassing. Jem's a good bloke but more usefully is very qualified in trees and stuff and has loads of good contacts.

 

Jem wants to improve the Woods ...

 

... for nature and those who use it. I've always liked people who give more than they take and Jem has done many things too numerous to mention for the woods but include getting tree surgeon climbers to sort dangerous and difficult trees, build the kids camp and a tree house.

 

He also brought and installed two tawny owl boxes in the bottom of the Woods and this year turned up with the barn owl box pictured below. It neatly reminds me of an old joke about what is the difference between a constipated owl and a bad marksman?

 

The bad marksman shoots but doesn't hit but the constipated owl hoots but can't ...

Pictured doing the tricky bit of installing is Matt who used to come and help as a teenager. Back then I once said do you want to earn 60 pounds an hour?

Yes, he says and I pointed to a wasps nest 15 foot off the ground at the back of the workshop. I gave him a quid and said whiz up the ladder and spray this in the hole - it'll only take a minute. He put his motorcycle crash helmet on and did.

In her tinder profile, she said she’s 35 ...

 

... but has the body of an 18-year-old.

I asked for a photo, but she said ok but could I wait until tomorrow as she’s naked and doesn’t want to get dressed to go to the freezer in the basement this late at night!

 

Always a welcome sight on a sunny ...

 

... early Summer morning is Erwin with a bit of stock. This time a decent amount of Cherry which always sells well either as boards or as one of the most popular of the smoking woods. This latter use is great for me as nothing gets wasted even if it cracks or warps a bit in the drying process.

 

Also dropped - a bit of oak and on request some douglas fir which although isn't something I usually sell is v handy for jobs around the place and for bearers to stack and then dry wood on.

 

Looking, I think you'll agree like a rather ...

 

... unusual and interesting bit of Ash was the beauty below, last off Erwin's trailer. Was the bulbous knob end going to contain an amazing burr the question all of us wanted to know so we chucked it straight on the saw and Mike and Tuesday Dave got milling whilst I headed over to Winchester to collect more stock.

 

 

The answer was no but actually the 4 round ish slabs will be ideal for coffee tables

There are always pics on my blogs ...

 

... of timber being unloaded at the woods. This is mainly because acquiring stock is the tricky bit and getting it there without pain to my back is a real plus. On this occasion it's the same for Andy the walnut king, dropping some promising walnut and with his own mega crane finally set up on his truck.

 

Nearly all the walnut and other rare beauties Andy buys are in fields and forests all around the UK and the no 1 issue is getting them from there to civilisation without it costing thousands in road haulage and hiring telehandlers.

 

So another summer passes and in the next edition ...

 

... published late autumn will be news of another excellent source of timber discovered and includes a type of wood I'd had over 10 years ago and been looking for more that will have turners and cabinet makers drooling.

 

Also, lots more walnut coming my and eventually your way!

 

Visitors new and old always welcome - as is your dosh!