Last bit of 2024 into 2025

 

As the old year faded away ...

 

... we didn't do a lot. Not that we ever had but the motivation to work hard, get lots more stock and increase sales has with the passing years been replaced by a bit of work, longer tea breaks and more time ensuring the baked potato on top of the stove is cooked to perfection for lunch.

 

On one such tea break I was telling Tuesday Dave and Mike one of my favourite tales of Cinderella being told by her fairy godmother that she could go to the ball but she must leave on the stroke of midnight or her lady growler would turn into a pumpkin.

 

As we know she met a handsome Prince and told him ...

 

... her name was Cinderella. What's yours she asked " Peter the pumpkin eater " he says before asking " What time do you need to leave". With a wicked glint in her eye she says oh about half past four. Anyways, Tuesday Dave politely chuckles - i expect I've told him it before over his 10 years with me but Mike is quiet and thoughful. After a while he asks " Do you think he spits out the pumpkin seeds" ?! - possibly overthinking this one I reckon.

 

Back to timber and the Ash dieback ...

 

... is starting to bite at the woods. Climbers are no longer able or supposed to go up them as they become brittle and anchor points fail so felling from the ground is the main option or in the case below mother nature bringing them down.

 

The best way to deal with fallen trees is to crack on and tidy them up as if you ignore suddenly there are more to clear than we old boys can manage.

There are a few people who'll come and help ...

 

... of varying skills and charges. My mate Ant is usually at the top of the list but I had been demanding on him of late and as you'll see below other jobs for him so called in Smackers a retired jack of all trades who's handy with a big chainsaw.

 

Smacker's price is low ... just a few logs and coffee but the other price you pay is with your earholes as he talks non stop - which is quite impressive with a chainsaw going !

 

 

The mini team of me Smackers and Matt who comes Sundays had it cleared, the brush burnt and the logs to the saw in a rather efficient if I may say so couple of sessions. Mike and Tuesday Dave cut the planks & some as insert pics show had fabulous figure.

 

There'll be a lot more Ash ...

 

... mostly firewood coming out in the next few years. I have a 5 year plan which will start with some professional help in the Spring - bit too wet and grim in the depth of winter to put long hours in when there's a fire to sit around and the helpers various cakes to eat ... job fitting in the jacket spuds!

 

If you do want a bit of freeish firewood to be traded for labour ping me an email.

 

The aforementioned Ant ...

 

... is a bit of master at sniffing out timber and has the energy and skills to clear up fallen big trees for landowners. It's an arrangement that suits both parties as one gets their trees sorted without having to pay and Ant get a pile of wood - and probably piles too for putting too many hours in away frorm a decent toilet.

 

After a while his yard gets full and I become less of the annoying bloke who wants things fixed and more of an outlet for his excess with a supply of cash. Beech is something he has a lot of but isn't massively interesting to me as I have enough so he cuts it and brokers a deal to deliver to me and help unload - a triple tempter I can't refuse!

 

This winters's delivery of Beech ...

 

... a mix of 2 and 3" nicely spalting Beech and a big lump cut into 3 x 12" chunks that Doris the tractor can lift and so I could recut to whatever size I want arrived just before Christmas. It wasn't a fluke it was a decent sunny day as we'd waited until this came along.

 

Ant's trailer was heavily loaded ... he has bigger balls than me getting that weight down Hurstbourne hill which has the habit of pushing you faster down even when braking but he made it without mishap and after lifting the big bits off with the tractor we hand balled the cut logs as the image below.

 

Halfway through the task ... Thursday Dave in the background sorting out stickers for the boards and Ant sorting my woodworm sprayer and me as ever hiding behind the camera.

A father in a restaurant with his young son ...

... gives the boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.

The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's but is still choking.

A well dressed attractive woman in a blue business suit is sitting nearby sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

The woman carefully pulls down his pants ...

 

... and takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly tighter and tighter !!!

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles ...

 

... the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

 

The father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

 

' No,' the woman replied. I'm with the Inland Revenue.'

 

I think it's clear dear reader ...

 

... that there's a lot more sitting around drinking tea than restocking or selling wood. That said, we also battle to get rid of the rats that have climbed into the cabin roof to get the warmt of the fire and eat my insulation, not to mention the bloody squirrels so it isn't always farts and frolicks.

 

I'm lucky to have regular helpers to the extent that I'm rarely at the Woods on my own. One such cold and sunny morning having sent a coupla hours wire brushing mould off me smoking apple I went for a walk around the woods and took the picture below.

It can be the best days of the year - not only can you see right across the woods but if I look closely I can see the first shoots of the bluebells which will adorn the right hand bank in Spring.

A coupla weeks later ...

 

... it had turned decidedly chillier but I tend to still come down unless the snow is widespread in which case 60 miles down the motorway with inexperienced snow drivers as we see less these days and twats makes it too much of a risk.

 

So, I was there this time with occasional helper Martin and after 10 minutes of trying to do a small tractor shed repair he pronounced it too f - ing cold and headed for the by now warm cabin. On sitting down he had some kind of medical episode possibly cold related and passed out.

 

He came round fairly quickly but ...

 

... declared he felt shit and not being sure how serious it was I rounded up the saws etc and got him in the pick up. The motion of accelerating through the snow and mud and out of the drop into the Woods caused him to vomit copiously and made getting down the mile long track to the village less fun than you might imagine.

 

Anyways, medical help was needed, summoned and after a lengthly wait and on ambulance assessment he was taken to hospital and has now recovered. It's prompted a review of emergecy procedures which can only be a good thing.

 

Winter wonderland or too cold for playing in the Woods?

 

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