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Spring 2025 into SummerUnusually, most of what I suggested we might do in the last blog happened !
Thanks mostly to Jem ...
... who sourced some lovely Beech, Field Maple and Blackthorn whips plus shelters and then came down with help to plant ... we planted!
His help wasn't in his league as he dug all 75 holes and planted the trees whilst his wife and daughter swanned around taking pics but the aforementioned daughter's boyfriend a youth of so few words I wasn't sure was alive or awake popped the shelters on whilst I did the stakes and Matt tied them together. It cast me back 40 years ...
... to Spring 1985 when as a 22 year old I was badgered by the old man to help plant 5000 Beech and Oak whips in the southern wood. He'd written to me and my siblings saying the task was too much for one man and his dog - one sister offered her dog. Where do the years go? - I'm now the age the old boy was then. |
When I was thirteen I was blessed ...
... with a 9 inch penis. I told my mum and she wasn't at all pleased. She explained that it was not an appropriate thing for the Vicar to do and was going to report him to the Bishop.
On a similar also untrue note a girlfriend once told me after we'd had sex that I was easily the biggest she had had. Apparently, my answer 'ditto' wasn't the right one!
Back to wood stuff (probably wise) my old school friend Nick came up with a decent for Apple sized main stem which converted into the attractive planks below and plenty of branches to turn into smoking wood chunks - wish all my friends were as useful. |
Answering a loud banging on my front ...
... door I was confronted by my next door neighbour wearing only a very short see through nightie leaving nothing to the imagination and shouting fuck me, fuck me now!
As kindly as I could I said : " I'm sorry Brian, I'm just not interested".
I'm indebted to Alistair ...
... who over a 10 year period has progressed from being a customer or as I call you 'the bloody punters who disturb my tea breaks' to being a friend and in the last couple of years a business associate as he has starting selling wood himself.
Of course, before long he'll have more stock and customers than me as he's hardworking and very knowledgeable about wood - two things I've never been accused of!
Regulars know from blogs and me repeating myself ...
... that getting stock is the hard bit. Alistair has a nose for sourcing wood helped by chatting to all and sundry - he'll stop and talk to tree surgeons on a job and ask what they do with their stuff.
Close to where he lives near Henley (great part of the country to live if you have the dosh) is a family run sawmill where he has been picking out a variety of lush timber for sometime. It's a tempter for him to keep this to himself but he's decent enough to share and put my name on a couple logs which were swiftly cut below.
Getting it cut is easy bit ... lugging 20 heavy Oak boards over the pile of Maple takes time and sweat - with the knowledge you will need a second trip to get the Maple! |
So, having off loaded the Oak at the Woods ...
... I had to hitch the trailer on and scuttle back to Nettlebed asap to get it loaded before they shut up shop. I got there at 415 and only just got it loaded by 5 pm. I was struggling to lift the last 3 eight foot Maple boards on (shifting 3 tons of timber on yer own takes it out of an old boy) thankfully Alan the boss took pity on me and helped lift them ... partially I suspect so I'd piss off and let him go home!
I then had to crawl through a rush hour Henley one way system and leave it on the trailer overnight. I decided to call on the ever willing Smackers who lives closeish to the Woods to meet me in the morning to help me stack.
Stacking which involves brushing all the sawdust off the planks, sorting the stickers that help the air circulate the timber and creating a neat pile took 3 hours and would have been twice that without John pictured on the Oak with completed stack of Field Maple to his right. |
The lovely tulipwood cut early last year ...
... is now on sale and starting to disappear into happy punters cars, so get along and grab some whilst you can.
In the next edition probably posted Autumn ...
... we'll have news of more of the lushest Maple I've had and lots of Walnut plus of course all the news and exciting events us old codgers have been up to - I expect you can hardly wait.
In case we all drop dead before then which isn't beyond the realms of possibility given our combined ages - have a root around under yer mattress and come over with handfuls of cash and you may get some decent timber - vat free of course.
Regards,
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