Summer to Autumn 2026

 

My penis was briefly in ...

 

... the Guinness book of records. To be fair it was only until the librarian told me to remove it and get out. In other news my wife said that if I wanted something to do I should make a bird table. So I did and then she was really narked when I put her in fifth place !

 

As middle bits of the year go ...

 

... this one wasn't bad. On the plus side we got lots of jobs done as you'll see below but it has to be said sales have been crap. Luckily, I've over charged you all so much over the years it means it's much more likely that the grim reaper will shut this weird litle business down than the bank!

 

A job that was probably a year overdue was sorted thanks mainly to Charles with some prep support from Matt. First bit of the trailer bed refurb was cutting off the rusty coach bolts and removing the now rotten in places bed which soon burned on a bonfire.

 

We considered fibre glassing ...

 

... a new one with mariine ply but in the end common sense kicked in and I bought a purpose built buffalo board from Trailertek. Charles had to fabricate some oak shims and getting those in place with tight access was the hardest bit but the new one was in and bolted down in a couple of hours.

Final job was getting it off it's side and back on the ground gently which took a bit of directions from Charles and Smackers to stop the chains biting into anything damageable.

Once Matt had completed ...

 

... a final job of fixing the front running lights which had a cut wire we hooked up and set off to collect a bit of Oak and Chestnut from Matts bro in law to be Stephen with whom I'd done a deal. I've said it many times before but it's true that if there's a machine at the loading site the whole thing is quick and easy and saves my back.

Stephen in his digger is a tree surgeon so is used to loading logs carefully and without a scratch to my new trailer bed!

Heavy they may be but they will be lighter when dry and being knot free first grade oak will sell !

When I was in the Police ...

 

... I dealt with a man who had wandered onto the M25 motorway and as it wasn't at it's usual standstill was inevitably hit by a red lorry and then a yellow lorry followed by another red lorry. When the next of kin opened the door I said there's no easy way of saying this!

 

Just in case you miss the tongue twister joke I must point out this wasn't true. I did actually in the 1980s when the M25 was only open between Chertsey and Heathrow see a man with dementia walking in ther nearside lane and as luck would have it it was quiet and I was able to rescue him. No tea and medals and as I was off duty I didn't get paid but hey someone may help me out one day.

 

Back to timber ...

 

... I had a diverse and welcome delivery from my friend Erwin of Oak, Elm, Sweet Chestnut, Apple, Douglas fir and a new one on me in the bottom right of the pic below.

 

Do I spy a nice bit of Cedar of Lebanon I asked him as it's a favourite of mine. Nope, it's Lawson he tells me. So I have to look it up and it's a native of North America but grown here as ornamental and best of all has the same non rotting properties of Cedar so I'm looking forward to getting stiuck into that.

 

On top to left of the pic looks a twisty old pile of rubbish but is infact a delightfully big for Laburnam stem. Guitar makers like this for fret boards as it's hard but you can do summat else..

This delivery turned out to be ...

 

... quite different from my usual hardwoods and working through the different softwoods some of which I'd not sawn before was a voyage of discovery. In summary Spruce ... a bit shit. Douglas fir - had before and it's good for construction stuff like celing joists so pretty good. Scots Pine ... would be be ok but for a load of metal in it and good Cypress and even more good erer as my english teacher mum would not have said was the aforementioned Lawson which is indeed Cedar like.

 

Regulars know that my Woods days are ...

 

... Tuesday, Thursday and Sundays each week. I'll do the occasional Weds or Friday picking up timber but never Saturdays as I have chores at home. However, I made an exception one Saturday for my mate New Forest Rob who has actually moved to Cornwall so needs renaming.

 

He needed to pick up some Walnut I was drying for him. As his eta was 2pm I decided to go first to my father in law's place near Oxford and cut his grass. Whilst doing that, I had a call from Stephen the tree surgeon above who had the Chestnut and now had a truck full of Apple and did I want to make an offer?

I offered cash and an opportunity to ...

 

... off load on to my truck in Highclere 45 mins later. This deal suited us both and saved me a trip to his yard another day. Getting a big pile of Apple cheap is a) handy and b) a bit of a pain as there then follows hours of chopping into chunks - but worth the effort when it's dry.

 

It pays to crack on with it as Apple becomes rock hard when dry. To make a dent in the pile I split the ringed bits with the splitter on the back of Doris.

 

After an hour of chopping and stacking my head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes protest (but not my eyes, ears and nose) and I have to go for a cup of tea!

 

The long and let's be honest too hot summer ...

 

... kept on coming. Water was short so I had to haul stuff in to keep the pond with enough to supply all the wildlife. I'm pretty sure if they could vote or put their non opposable thumbs up we'd get a good review.

 

So, with another winter coming which if it does will mean we're still about - we have plans. I have a load of walnut coming to process and I plan to extract a bit more dosh from you to keep me smiling.

 

In return, we can offer tea, some great and not so great but cheap timber and a warm ish welcome - unless you're a wood carver in which case I'll be questioning your sanity.